I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
