I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
