I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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