...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
