hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
