I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
