Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
ugly people sure do ruin things
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
