the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize