I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
