I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
