Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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