In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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