we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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