thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
