We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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