The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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