I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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