If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
