If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
