im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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