The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
no more duck duck goose at the bar
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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