just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
