hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
