it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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