Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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