I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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