how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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