well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
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