$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
