my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
