Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I think my fart just growled at me.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
