When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
