u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize