i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
