if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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