Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
