Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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