Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
