I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
