I wannas sexs uuuuu
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize