Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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