Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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