you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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