Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
