I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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