Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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