Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
