The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
