it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
