Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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