so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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