Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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