the condom got lost in my hair
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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