i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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