I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
