I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
