woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
