made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
