GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
