Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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