census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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