Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
