i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
