I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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