I smell stomach acid.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
