This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
