is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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