apparently the secret to your success is patron
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
