the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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