And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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