haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
