we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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