3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
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