I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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