Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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