I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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