I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
