my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
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