she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
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