walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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