My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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