i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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