how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
