eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
