maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
