So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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