I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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