just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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