i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
