We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
