I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
