I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
