it hurts more in the daytime
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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